Bob rises at 6 a.m., fills his coffee pot with good, clean water, because tree-hugging liberals fought for water-quality standards. His daily medications are safe because stupid commie liberals fought to ensure they work correctly and safely. All but $10 is paid by his employer’s medical plan because liberal union workers fought for paid medical insurance. His breakfast is bacon and eggs; the bacon safe to eat because girly-man liberals fought to regulate the meat-packing industry.

Showering, Bob reaches for his shampoo, each ingredient and amount of contents properly labeled because crybaby liberals fought so he could know what he was putting on his body. Bob dresses, walks outside, breathes deeply. The air is clean because wacko environmentalist liberals fought to stop industries from polluting our air. He walks to the subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work, saving considerable parking/transportation costs because fancy-pants liberals fought for affordable public transportation, giving everyone opportunity to contribute.

Bob’s job is good; excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because lazy liberal union members fought and died for these standards. If Bob is hurt at work or becomes unemployed, he’ll get worker compensation or unemployment checks because stupid liberals thought he shouldn’t lose his home because of temporary misfortune.

Bob makes a bank deposit, federally insured by FSLIC because godless liberals wanted Bob’s money protected from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system during the Great Depression. Bob pays his Fannie-Mae-underwritten mortgage and below-market federal student loan because elitist liberals decided Bob and the country would be better off if he was educated, earning more money over his lifetime.

Bob visits his father in the country. His car is among the world’s safest because America-hating liberals fought for car safety standards. Bob’s was the third generation to live in the farmhouse financed by Farmer’s Home Administration because bankers didn’t want to make rural loans. No electricity until big-government liberals demanded rural electrification. His retired father lives on Social Security and a union pension because wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberals made sure he could care for himself so Bob wouldn’t have to.

Bob drives home, turning on a radio talk show. The radio host claims liberals are bad, conservatives are good. He doesn’t mention Republicans fought against every protection and benefit Bob enjoys. Bob agrees: “Who needs big-government liberals running our lives! I’m a self-made man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like me.”


34 Hillside Ave.