I am loathe to write this letter due to the fact that this newspaper is very democratic. However, here goes:

I would like to thank the people who house the Congress and the person in the White House. Because of their intransigence in dealing with the problems in our country, I have become behind in making timely payments to my creditors.

In fact, because of the problems with the U.S. Postal Service, I became behind in my payments to this very newspaper. Further, due to the poor service by the post office, my credit rating has taken a big hit. So, to the Congress I say, stop bickering about the bulls--t and do something good for this country. Fix the godd-mn post office.