The bell of Donald Trump’s presidency will toll on Jan. 20 of the New Year, and the loser of the 2020 election seems likely to face uncertainties about whether he can claim the Mar-a-Lago Club in Palm Beach, Fla., as his permanent residence. Moreover, New York’s residency auditors eagerly await the chance to prevent that eventuality. Undisclosed sources are now reporting that the ex-president may opt to move west, rather than south, to the ultra-exclusive De Lu Shun retreat adjacent to Mt. Rushmore in the Black Hills of South Dakota.

The retreat’s accommodations feature a series of bunkers, and De Lu Shun officials have indicated Mr. Trump can have the most spacious bunker with the most amenities. Above his entrance will be a large plaque inscribed with one of Trump’s favorite tweets: “What You’re Seeing and What You’re Reading Is Not What’s Happening.”

Just inside, prominently displayed, will be Trump’s coat of arms, adorned with “Numquam Concedere,” or Never Concede. A 60-inch curved 8K TV will offer high-resolution broadcasts of One America News Network, Newsmax, “The Apprentice” reruns ... and Hannity of course. A rather diminutive bookcase will contain a small number of titles such as “The Holy Bible,” “You Can Never Love a Narcissist Enough,” “Preserving Confederate Military Bases” and “Mt. Rushmore or Bust.”

Mr. Trump can also use his bunker’s virtual golf course to play his properties around the world, and he can observe through a large periscope and skylight vainglorious fireworks displays spelling out “I Won, Really!” over Mt. Rushmore.

Mr. Trump’s solitude will permit him to brood, rage, bluster and fume about being a loser, and to accuse heretofore “friends” of disloyalty and treason. Historical precedents among would-be autocrats abound. Privacy is paramount, but visitors will be allowed, depending on whether or not they pass the obsequiousness/”Dear Leader” test (think: the 126 congressional Republicans who signed on to the Texas lawsuit or those, who, on Jan. 6, plan on contesting the electoral college vote).

Unsurprisingly, the bunker residence at the De Lu Shun retreat carries a hefty price tag, but the “Stop the Steal” Trump slush fund will easily cover the tab.

Relevance is hard to come by when your reality show is canceled. Cloistered in his bunker, Mr. Trump will have ample opportunity to embrace the world of delusion.


P.O. Box 128