Cratchit’s Five Star

Cast:

Omar (OM), cashier, Swami and former tent maker

Gunner, Vietnam vet, low roller, townie

Shifty, street urchin, PhD in Ancient Sanskrit, loner

Mr. Bluster, big wheel, narcissist, miser, exploiter

Lucy, deli queen, sweetheart, yoga instructor

Just as the sun squinted over Beech Hill

Shifty pulled out a crinkled oil-soaked Honest Abe 5 spot

And flashed it in front of Omar’s face

This herez for two Tall Boy Natty Lights, OM!

OM smiled, A little early there Shifty ain’t it!?

Youz, ain’t my Ma OM so shut yur trap

Cripes how’d ya Injuns git here anyhowz?

I flew United flight 2781 Shifty, and that will be $7.25!

Dang, what the hell’s happened ta da U.S. of A.?

Anyway, thanks OM!

Yur a good man don’t let no one tell ya no different.

Oh, Shifty I need nother two and a quarter I’ll cover da quarter!

Later at the 5 Star

Gunner was scratching away

Scratching his last two clams that is

Times were tough, but what else is new?

This here’s a picnic compared ta Nam!

All ya really need in life are three squares,

A bed roll, and some good undies!

This time baby, this time, come up, come up!

Omar rolled his eyes and looked out at the breaking day

Next time, next time, Gun! Here, here’s a couple of bucks

Ta get yur down da street and a pack of smokes.

Now don’t do no mo gambl’n wid it, ya hear?

Ah, Mr. Bluster, how you doing on this fine day?

Great OM can ya tell Lucy back there ta make me an Italian Grinder with her special sauce?

Ya, ya sir. Hey, new Mercedes?

Ya, just got her, actually not mine, it’s the wifey’s, I’m just taking her out. God she hums!

Who, the car or your wife?

Funny, OM, funny!

Sure, looks pretty sir, anything else?

Ya, a pack of Marlboro Reds, not for me of course,

And one of those Steve’s Woopie pies, God they’re addictive!

Not for you of course! Here you go sir!

Hey, back there Lucy, you’re the best. I mean it!

Thank you, Mr. Blusterd! (female voice from “the back”)

Hey OM, isn’t Lucy great, I mean like holy you know what!

Ya, she is! Ready for Christmas Sir?

Naw, not me you know it’s work, work, work, grind away, make a buck, silly holiday!

Oh! Will that do ya for today? Anything more?

Ya, here’s one for ya OM, how about Peace on Earth Good Will Towards All Men? Ha ha ha ha!

Sorry Mr. Bluster, we can’t ever seem to get to that one! See ya next time!

Oooommmmm!

STEPHEN SERAICHICK

Keene

Recommended for you